The other side of the fence

Well, this is the first time that I have ever been on the other side of the fence. I've seen the stark relief on parents' faces as they drop their little darlings (or big darlings in my cases) off to school and felt a hair of it myself as Drew climbed the walls during the last two weeks before the school year starts BUT it was always overlaid with sadness/joy as I went back to the grind myself. It was like a mental pros and cons list. Pro - I can go to the bathroom myself without being followed by someone who bangs on the door and shrieks my name in disgruntlement at finding it locked. Con - I miss being stalked throughout the house with incessant demands, both verbally and nonverbally for cookies. Pro - I get to talk to people older than the age of six. Con - Most of the people I talked with were under the age of eighteen and had hormones spewing from every orifice they possessed, leaving them with the logic of toddlers sometimes. 

Despite this mental battle, the opportunity arose for me to stay home with the girls this year and help Drew transition to his new English speaking school. Now, I loved the International School of Louisiana and Drew was really excelling there by the end of the year. However, I must say that being able to help him/check his homework without the aid of a translator or Google is a lovely new experience that has really cut down on the homework time. I digress.

By the time that school was about to start, I was unbelievably ready to send my little darling away to second grade so that the Ludwig name would not die out with Brandon. I felt incredible, overwhelming, tear-provoking joy at seeing him run away to the playground that first morning which was quickly muted by the terrible twosomes efforts to rip down the door decorations in the twenty seconds I had been NOT watching them. It was a new experience and to all the stay at home mommies and daddies out there, I understand now. I understand.

Double Dose of Doctorly Love

I am wretchedly behind writing so I will most likely have lost my usual panache in recounting some of the following stories. (Is not panache a great word? I have been trying to squeeze it into casual conversation for days!!)

I finally took the girls to the doctor for their two year check up or something close to that. Yes, they are actually two and half at this point and I am sadly behind in my motherly obligations in regards to their physician monitoring. However, as I am outnumbered and frequently outgunned (see grossness of toilet incident), I focus more on the day to day survival (Mostly theirs. I eat chocolate to ensure mine.).

We found a lovely pediatrician (Dr. Rosling) shortly after arrival as I had to take Drew in order to renew his ADHD medications and have his seven year checkup (I was only a few weeks late for that one! Success!) in which he desperately hoped there would be no shots and I desperately hoped that he wouldn't have a complete breakdown if there were. Luckily, I was brainy enough to bring a copy of Drew's shot records all the way from the swamps of New Orleans but lacked the skills to bring them to his actual appointment. For some reason, Dr. Rosling was hesitant to inject him with any old vaccine and wanted to peruse his shot records prior to poking holes in him. He was relieved that he wouldn't have to undergo any pain, I was relieved the office wouldn't find out our son could scream like a teenage girl, and she was relieved that she probably wasn't going to poison him. She did actually want a follow up to determine the effect of his meds (that is something that the New Orleans people never even tried) and so scheduled another appointment for a month later. However, that is not what made me like her!

I like her because I brought the incredible duo to the appointment and she rolled right along with the overt chaos and actually discussed some of the issues that we need to address with Abby even though we had no appointment for Abby that day. A doctor.....took extra time.....for a child who didn't even have an appointment that day?!?! I know what you're thinking! Such lies! But I was sold on Dr. Rosling from that point on. 

A couple of weeks later....

I brought the twincesses in for their appointment. I had not been able to get an early appointment and had to settle for a 1:30 appointment (right in the middle of Mom's favorite time of day - nap time). Drew was at camp, Brandon at work, and that left only the estrogen of the house. I knew that the appointment would be interesting when I heard giggles alternating with shrieks echo through the house as I attempted to get ready. I peeked around the corner to find Abby flat on her back with Savannah astride her saying, "Giddy-up, horsey! Giddy-up!"

Abby couldn't decide to giggle or cry so she did both alternately as Savannah dug in her imaginary spurs and wondered why her horsey didn't move.

Savannah saw me peering around the corner and announced, "I a cowboy! Giddy-up, horsey!" with an extra big bounce which finally pushed Abby over the edge into tears and shrieks. I understood better why after weigh-ins at the doctor.

Abby had already met Dr. Rosling one on one when she had contracted Mommy's fabulous case of strep throat the previous week. I foisted the doctor appointment on Husband Numero Uno (mostly to prove that Abby DID have strep). As a result, she remembered and associated the doctor's office with PAIN and acted accordingly by climbing Mommy like a tree and clinging with all the strength of her scrawny little arms to prevent any sort of examination by the terrifying doctor. I'm pretty sure in Abby's mind, Dr. Rosling appeared as a demonic monster whose voice resembled the vacuum cleaner which sends her running to the other room the moment I turn it on. As a result, she fought the examination with the exception of stripping as she is a huge fan of being Abby Nakedpants.

Savannah, on the other hand, reveled in the whole process starting with declaring dominion over the doctor's rolling chair. This required playing Queen of the Mountain where Savannah regularly shoved Abby out of the way and at one point, tried to use her face as a footstool to make it to the top. When Dr. Rosling came in, Savannah gave up the chair only for her examination. Now, Savannah is not what you call a charmer or a snuggly child. She likes what she likes and does not go out of her way to make everyone adore her. That's Abby's job. So my assertive, dominate child just charmed Dr. Rosling throughout the whole exam. She crawled into her lap, played with her stethoscope, and just acted adorably in general. Which begs the question - Who the heck is this????

Of course, no appointment is complete without some sort of surprise. This one was shots of a variety that I cannot remember but had to be administered nonetheless. There were tears, screams, and rage and that was just Abby. Savannah was more distressed by the treachery. Her lovely visit had devolved into being poked with sharp implements and not even a shiny sticker would mitigate that betrayal.

At the conclusion of our visit, I was able to herd them both to the car (still considering the child leash concept) and home for naps. As a result of the excitement, they only took an hour and a half to crash and I was able to finally sit down....alone.

Of course I fell asleep! Who do you think I am? Iron Mommy? (Now that is a thought for another day. Mommy with awesome technological gadgetry and a talking computer? Yes, please! I'd never need to fear the bathrooms again.)