We have officially reached the conclusion of the school year and for you parents in mourning, I say, "Muhahahahahaha!" Not really, but the end of May is like Christmas for most educators in which we are able to give back the glorious gift you've given us all........year........long.......: your children. Suffice to say, Drew's teachers were given heaping plates of whatever baked goods they liked the best as they waved good-bye to him with tears of sadness, possibly relief, clouding their vision. I've actually been out of school for a whole week already and have been given the vivid reminder that stay at home moms have LESS time to themselves than us teachers. At least I can go to the bathroom during my planning period without the fear that one of the students will scramble atop my desk and plunge over the edge unlike Savannah who still has not learned that gravity works! Also, I can hurry to the store on the way home without multiple children in tow and not cave to the parental low in which I tell my son that I would rather be punched in the face than take him to the store with his sisters ever again. (I know, I know! I already apologized....but seriously, the sentiment is still true.)
On a different note, we have reached a new level of a game the girls play that I call, "Toying with Mommy." The main point of this game is see how quickly the girls can drive Mommy to distraction through various multi-player strategies, sometimes even involving Brother. During bath time, the girls have perfected the synthesis of Up-Down-Up-Down-Up-Down that you would see in that old arcade game, "Whack A Mole." I sit Savannah down, explaining we do not stand up in the bathtub. While the words are leaving my mouth, Abby is up, smiling brightly as she attempts to eat the faucet in all of its 1950's glory. I sit her down, "No stand. Sit on your bottom." Savannah rises on my words, smirking at Mommy's panic and the cycle continues until I wash Pop-Up One and Two as best I can prior to whisking them from the tub. In their room, the game moves to a new phase entitled, "Shed your towel and run naked around the room, avoiding Mommy and her diapers of restriction." While the title is a bit long, I feel it truly encompasses all of the strategies of the game. Abby is truly the dominant player in this game and stands just out of arm's reach, giggling maniacally before dashing away. At this point, I am forced to use her own lovey against her and dangle her blanket enticingly so she dashes over to be coated in lotion and wrangled into her diaper like a little greased pig. Savannah inevitably wanders over to gloat over Sister's misfortune at which point I snatch her up and subject her to the same treatment much to her verbal dismay.
I must confess that I feel I have created a serious problem for Brandon in the future. In an effort to encourage the girls to wear their new shoes, I told them, "Look! Soooooooo pretty!" as I stuffed their little feet in them. Now, I did not tell them that a mere one time. We are talking a day or more of verbal enticement and now Abby stalks me about the house, shoes in hand, waiting for me to sit down at which point she sits beside me, pushes me her shoes, bats her eyes at me, and chirps, "I's? I's? I's?" I don't know what she means by the "I's" but the shoe fetish I well understand and poor Brandon, well, let's just say that a shoe love embedded by age one, bespeaks of serious shoe purchases in the future. Since he's completely whipped by his adorable daughters, well, even a pet snake could be an option if it were couched just right by one of the girls. Savannah is less in love with her shoes. She'll let me put them on but will inevitably take one off and hobble around like a little pony waiting to be put down, clutching the errant shoe in one hand. Recently, Abby has taken to talking to Savannah while banging the stray shoe on the floor and I'm afraid Big Sister is attempting to pass on her new footwear fetish.
Finally, the game during meals is instigated by Savannah and she has successfully taught it to Abby, thus ensuring that I am constantly scrambling mid-meal and will most likely not eat a hot meal again until they turn five or so. Cups can be exceptionally useful tools, particularly when attempting to create your own Lake Ponchatrain across your tray. You should make sure to leave a variety of foods in order to color your lake and provide items for the projectile motion created by your hands swishing across your tray as fast as you can. These items can sail up to eight feet but the best effect is created when the food spatters across the nearby walls and windows thus creating a artistic display for all to appreciate. My tip off that the game has begun is the incessant giggling following by Savannah's emphatic, "Mama!" at which point I'm already too late to stop the art from being created and should just move on to the next phase of MY plan: convincing the world my daughter's artistic endeavors are examples of genius so that some nimrod, I mean, connoisseur can pay an exorbitant, I mean rational, fee for her art.
