Last week was the happiest day of the month for Mom, Dad, and Karla.....because Drew went back to school!!! He might have not have shared our quantity of enthusiasm but he was ready, too. I'd actually planned ahead (I know! It's close to miraculous!) and had already acquired shoes, shirts, and shorts so that we were READY. Now, the joy of returning to school was slightly overshadowed by the necessary evil that a school schedule entailed - the Nintendo DS detox. The Nintendo DS had become less of a favored toy over the last three to four weeks and more of the necessity to the very breathing process on which Drew is dependent to survive. I honestly felt it to be 'little boy crack' and Drew, quite frankly, was hooked. If he could have plugged the device into his own body for recharging purposes, I'm afraid the plug would have been swallowed by the ravenous skin and muscles and nary a peep would I hear until the absolute necessity of food consumption drove him from the cubby-hole (the slim space between the couch and the wall) he'd claimed as his own.
I cannot lie. This detox has involved crying, yelling, and a gnashing of teeth and that was all just me. Drew, poor Drew, has taken his usual sledgehammer approach to the complete elimination of the DS from his daily schedule. For illustration purposes, I give you an excerpt:
"Mom?"
"Yes, Drew?"
"Can I play my DS?"
"No, Drew. You need to finish your jobs before Ms. Stacey comes to take you to school."
"Okay."
A few moments later...
"Mooommmm?"
"Yes, Drew?"
"Now, can I play my DS? I did my jobs!"
"Did you make your bed? Say your prayers? Eat your cereal? Brush your teeth? Wash your face?"
"ARGGHHH! ....No....(face scrunched up in a concentrated thought process) but I did most of my jobs."
"You need to get ready for school. You know you can't play your DS in the morning before school."
In his best irritated, 'I'll show you' voice, "Fine! I'm going to do my jobs!!"
"Good. Thank you."
Sounds of doors slamming and things being thrown despite the fact that it is barely 6:15 and I go back to prepping my lunch box and the hot chocolate that will keep me from prison when Nicholas in third period gets out of his seat without permission for the forty-billionth time.
"MOOOOOMMMMMM."
Repressing, repressing, repressing..."Yes?"
"Can I play my DS NOW? I've done all my jobs!"
He is completely dressed with hair awry and shirt disheveled and an empty stomach as I just poured his cereal a moment ago.
"Did you eat breakfast?"
"No, I'm not hungry."
"You have to eat breakfast. That's one of your jobs."
"ARGHHHH! FINE!" He climbs on the stool, glaring at me over his cereal and begins to slurp it, eyeballing the DS peeking seductively at him from the top of the fridge. Roughly, two minutes later....
"Mom?"
'Don't scream,' I tell myself.
"Yes, Drew?"
"Can I play my DS?"
Please ignore me as I now bash my head repeatedly against the side of the fridge. Needless to say, the answer continues to be 'No' and finally, I am able to escape to my car, leaving poor Karla behind to face the sledgehammer approach alone. Luckily, I've left her cookies to fortify her in her denials. However, should she break down, I will understand and the next day, I will re-arm her with peanut butter chocolate cake and the removal of the little boy crack. Let the detox continue so my chances of brain damage decrease.
